I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You can't just leave with hair like that
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
