My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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