I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
