Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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