i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
