I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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