I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
