How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize