You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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