best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
