my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is classic penis vs brain.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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