Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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