sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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