I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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