i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
