im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
