I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
