i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
