I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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