ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
