I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
