I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
