just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
