First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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