So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
