Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
