i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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