dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
