I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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