so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
