And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
