she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
