wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
