the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
