Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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