i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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