Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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