I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
