you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
