Sponge bath it is.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
