I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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