Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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