Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
