If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm at about main and main street
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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