Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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