guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
