Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
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at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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