It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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