if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
