Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
