I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have fence marks all over my body
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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