I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
