I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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