margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't deserve a penis
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
