ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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