I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
