so explain again why im purple
no
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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