Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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