i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Be still, my beating vagina.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
