Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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