I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
