You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
