Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
