I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
