Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
