Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
