I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
