Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
