i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
what day is it and did you see me today?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
