I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
