He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
