I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
