For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
