a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
