its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
